i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
