Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
