I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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