life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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