You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
