Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
