I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
