i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
