my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
