he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
