Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
