Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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