Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
