There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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