Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
