i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
