And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We got so high we made milksteak
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
