I can tuck mytits in my pants
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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