yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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