I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
