Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Who died my cat blue again?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
