Sorry, I don't speak sober.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
