3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You are the jesus of drinking
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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