your parents love me but you hate me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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