I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
