Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
