There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
