im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
