My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He better not be in your backpack
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
