Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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