In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
