My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How does one acquire holy water?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
