can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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