I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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