Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
