U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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