What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
