i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
