Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
