my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
