Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
