you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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