I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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