just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
