dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
