Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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