She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
