Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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