I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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