I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
