We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
