I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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