atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
