Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
